Nostalgia

Not only is tomorrow 'Ferretti Day', it's also a day for nostalgia. Everyone has a few songs, smells and tastes that bring back some very vivid memories.

At the time I met the guy that turned out to be my first ever boyfriend (if 6 weeks counts?!) I was doing my best to get over my male best friend who was crushng my every teenage dream. So there I was, sixteen and never been kissed. In fact, I had turned down kissing the best friend during spin the bottle because I didn't want our first kiss (and my first ever) to be part of a game. Naww, you're thinking. And you're right. I was pretty cute. I was also pretty miserable.

And then I went on a week's residential course and everything changed. I dislodged a bone in my wrist during a particularly frenetic solo in Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique and was in agony. Later that day, we were sat against our will listening to the junior course recital. I recall a particularly painful oboe group led by someone who I now realise was younger than I am now - at the time the staff seemed so old! I couldn't help laughing, it really was hilarious. But I digress. The time came to clap, and I couldn't use one hand. I was beside a boy that I inexplicably fancied. I had pretty much zero fashion sense at this point, and I am almost certain that I will look back at that summer and be horrified by the bright blue eyeshadow and fringe... oh god.

Somehow he quite liked me too, and he clapped my other hand for me. I thought it was very sweet... The guy on the other side was trying to get in on it but to no avail. He asked if I'd be at the party later. I said I would be. On top of that (sorry), there were sessions of downtime where we weren't playing music. We could opt to do sport or to watch a film. Needless to say I opted for the film, and we bonded over Moulin Rouge. Hands held innocently. Looking back now, which I haven't done in a long time, I can only smile at the innocence which I thought at the time was a really big deal.

So I nervously dressed for the party. Alright it was a disco, okay?! Shh. I can't remember what I wore - though something tells me he'd remember if you asked. So there we were, dancing as a group. I remember Jet's 'Are you gonna be my girl?' over the speakers and he turned to me and said 'well, are you?'

We finally danced together to 'living on a prayer' by Bon Jovi and we shared our first kiss. To this day, that song always makes me think of that. Always. It was my first ever kiss, and it was aaaawesome.

And eventually it got to Robbie Williams 'Angels' ... and we pretty much just kissed throughout. At the end we surfaced to find all of our friends had formed a circle around us and there was a spotlight. It was more than a little embarrassing but, to be honest, totally worth it.

Suffice it to say it didn't last. It was an intense few weeks and of course we 'loved' each other. Actually, I'm not so sure it wasn't love. To this day we are close. It took a while - when we broke up it was messy and he lashed out with some pretty dreadful words. But these days we keep in touch. We look back fondly. He used to say he couldn't listen to 'Angels'. I'm not so sure whether that's the case anymore. For me it is a memory that makes me smile. It wasn't meant to be. It was wonderful for a brief moment. And a tiny part of me will always feel something for him that goes beyond the ordinary. A very tiny part and there is no romantic feeling, just knowledge that he was special. Far more special than my longest relationship to date which encompassed far more than a first kiss.

He was the token bad boy. After him I played it pretty safe all in all. I couldn't handle the fact he was into smoking and drugs - it really wasn't my thing.

Tomorrow I am seeing Robbie Williams live. Rumour has it that the setlist ends with 'Angels'. Question is: Will the nostalgia make me catch my breath? I honestly don't know.

What I do know is that I'll be sending him a message to say that I'm thinking of him. That I'm right back to that moment as a sixteen year old girl who was all caught up in feelings for a bad boy with a good heart.

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Olivia x